The Birth of David Timothy

It has taken me several months to write this story, in large part because life got so busy after David arrived, but also because there were a lot of details to remember and relive. As a doula, I had done a lot of thinking about how I wanted to give birth and imagined this day for a long time. Overall my birth experience was exactly what I had hoped it would be. It was simultaneously the most difficult and the most sublimely rewarding day of my life.

I had several weeks of regular, sometimes painful Braxton-Hicks contractions before my birthing time actually started, so I had begun to think that this baby was never actually going to arrive. Each day the contractions would start when I got out of bed in the morning, get more intense during the day, and then subside when it was time for bed in the evening. By about 38 weeks I was convinced that I’d be delivering before my due date, and my mom decided to come up to Chicago a week earlier than planned so that she wouldn’t miss the big day. Well, it turns out that David had other ideas. We spent the next week and a half killing time and preparing for Christmas. We got to see the second Hobbit movie in the theater (though I spent most of the movie gritting my teeth and timing contractions, wondering whether we should go home and get ready for the hospital). My sister, Caroline, arrived from Florida the Saturday before Christmas.

By Monday the 23rd I was very frustrated with the waiting. Jon went to work as usual that day, and I decided to go swimming that morning to work off some nervous energy. Unfortunately the pool was closed, so I took the train home and enjoyed a long walk in the freezing December weather (secretly hoping that the walk would get labor going). My mom and sister and I had planned to bake Christmas cookies that day, so I got home and started baking. We made shape cookies and then took a shopping break to get food for Christmas dinner. We bought a turkey and put it in a cooler to brine that afternoon. We then made more cookies, decorated them, and I cooked dinner. I had spent most of the day on my feet and was feeling surprisingly good, thinking that it would be a few more days until the baby arrived. Jon came home and we sat down to a dinner of chicken teriyaki. I got up to get something from the kitchen and felt my first “real” contraction on the way back to the table. I had had so many false alarms at that point that I didn’t say anything to anyone else yet. Things got started pretty quickly, though, because half an hour later when our landlord texted about coming down to fix our kitchen sink, I remember saying very confidently “if he wants to do it before the baby gets here, he needs to come now.” These contractions felt a lot different than anything I had experienced before, and I think I knew this was the real thing.

Our plan was to labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital. Jon was nervous that we would wait too long, so he timed every single contraction for a couple of hours and was anxious to call the midwife and head in. We called our doula, Katy, around 8:30pm, and she joined us a little while later. We all hung out in the living room while I labored on the ball and in the rocking chair, watching some Bill Cosby and Brian Regan clips on YouTube to keep the mood light. I took a couple of showers and spent some time with Jon on our bed, listening to my Hypnobabies recordings and focusing on relaxing through the contractions.

Another shower around 12:30 really got the contractions going, and I wasn’t getting much of a break between them anymore, so we decided to head for the hospital. It was an incredibly cold night (negative temperatures and very windy), but I remember that I really resisted putting on a coat to go out to the car because I was already so warm. The ride down to the hospital actually wasn’t too bad for me. I had been worried about traffic and being uncomfortable in the back seat, but since it was the middle of the night we had a really smooth ride, and I was able to stay relaxed with breathing and my Hypnobabies tracks. We arrived at the hospital around 2 a.m. and made it up to triage to meet our midwife, Cynthia. She checked me and I was about 4cm dilated, enough for us to move into the birthing center room. We quickly got settled into our new (huge!) room and I got back in the shower again. Things became pretty fuzzy for me after that point as I was just focusing on one contraction at a time. Katy had to leave around 4 am to catch a flight home for Christmas, and our backup doula, Rachel, took over around 4:30. She encouraged me to have some quiet, alone time in the shower with the lights off. I remember thinking at the time that I didn’t really want to be alone, but it was one of the most helpful suggestions for me. Alone in the water I was able to refocus and center myself through the contractions. Something about the shower was also really good for encouraging my body to progress in labor. I was extremely nauseous when I got out, and another exam at 6:20 said that I was 6cm dilated and 100% effaced – far enough to finally get into the tub.

I had been so excited about laboring and giving birth in the water, but it turned out that the tub was not comfortable for me at all. I experienced a lot of intense back labor, and the only position that was bearable during contractions was leaning forward with someone applying counter-pressure to my back. Switching from reclining to hands and knees in the tub was just too exhausting, so in the end I spent very little time in there. The warm water in the shower was amazing, though. After another 45 minutes I got out and started throwing up (yay transition!), and by 9am I was 9cm dilated. I asked the midwife to break my water at that point because I just wanted it to be over. My back was hurting so badly during every contraction!

I tried getting back in the tub, and that’s when things got really mentally tough. My legs were hurting and shaking, and everything felt so intense. I just kept saying “please help me” over and over again. I really started to break down and doubt myself at that point, but my mom came in at that point and got me to hold her gaze as she talked me through the contractions. After a few minutes Jon took over and kept eye contact with me while I started pushing. It was incredibly powerful to be able to stare into his eyes and know that he was fully with me and supporting me. I pushed for just under 2 hours before David was finally born. It didn’t seem that long to me because I would lean back into my mom’s arms between contractions and fall asleep, and then wake up to push again. Pushing was definitely the hardest part of labor for me because the back pain was so intense (I had thought that would go away) and I never really felt like I was pushing effectively until the very end. At one point I remember crying and asking the midwife what my options were because I was convinced there was no way I was ever going to get the baby out! But once his head started crowning I got a last burst of energy and pushed his entire head and body out in one push. Everyone (including me) was so surprised at how quickly it all happened at the end. They put him on my chest immediately, and I was just so shocked and relieved that it was over!

As much as I had wanted to hold David and feed him right away, I was so shaky and faint that I gave him to Jon and my mom for quite awhile while they got me cleaned up. I don’t remember much from the first couple of hours after he was born, but by about 3 hours later I was finally feeling good and able to really appreciate bonding with our little guy. I don’t think I slept more than a couple of hours that night because I couldn’t stop staring at him!

We only stayed in the hospital one night and were able to go home in time for dinner on Christmas day. It was definitely the best Christmas of my life!

I am so incredibly thankful for my wonderful birth team! Jon, my mom, Katy, Rachel, and our midwives, Cynthia and Nicole. I couldn’t have done it without your loving, patient support!